Love & Money

One of the most common reasons for divorce is finances. There comes a time when every couple has to discuss money. These discussions can go relatively well when all is in order and the lines of communication are open. However, if the couple does not openly discuss money and later a spouse discovers that one or both parties have mismanaged the finances, tempers may flare.

In today’s society it is often accepted to enter into relationships with the “you have yours, I have mine, and we have ours” mentality. I’ve personally found this approach to be ineffective because you both are keeping a part of your financial lives separated. It’s like a “secret money life” that often results in hidden spending or even worse, hidden debt. When secrets are kept the end results are usually embarrassment, anger, guilt, and finally resentment. A marriage must be about sharing. Yes, this includes finances.
As a credit counselor, I have helped numerous couples with financial problems. The most common case is when a spouse has secretly opened credit card accounts, maxed them out, and only fesses up about it when the bills are out of control. At this point the other spouse is upset thinking “why didn’t you tell me about this sooner”? To add insult to injury; collectors are calling, letters are in the mail, and both of your credit scores are rapidly decreasing. The accumulation of these events can place a major strain on a marriage.

Don’t wait for a financial emergency to talk to your spouse about money. Through my experiences I’ve learned that there are five financial principles that should be addressed at the very beginning:

1. Commit to share. Marriage is about sharing everything. Even your money! This is the most important principle.

2. Identify and create goals together. Since money will be used to accomplish the goals that you set. It’s important that you both are on the same page with what direction the marriage will be headed. Be sure to discuss and align goals, priorities, and personalities.

3. Determine roles. Assign roles to each other based on each of your personalities. If your spouse is good at paying bills on time, you may want to assign them that role. Some are patient shoppers and are good at finding deals, assign them a buying role.

4. Review spending together. Create a spending plan together and review it regularly. While reviewing it you can both mutually agree on adjustments.

5. Compromise. Nobody can have everything they want all the time. You both must compromise.
These principles are not a cure for all of the problems that a troubled marriage can throw your way. However, you can achieve much more operating together as one unit than struggling to do things individually. What’s important to remember is communication is the key. When you both become great at communicating, the chances are high that yours will be a successful union.

Darish K. Still